Kitchen Dances

     Dean and I live pretty high stress lives at times.  In reality, I don't know many people who don't.  I talk a lot with Dean and my friends about how to destress.  Dean likes to farm, AThack likes to run, Sissy cleans, my dad gets out in nature/plays golf/goes hunting/etc (his long list makes me think he either feels tons of stress or none at all, I can't decide), and I like to go to my local park and walk the trail.  These are all things we do just to escape the stress that gets us down from time to time.  Life is stressful, period.  I hate going to the doctor and being asked if I feel stressed, especially since this happens mostly after having a child it seems.  I've taken to the response, "Yes doctor, I do feel stressed.  Most of the adults I know are stressed.  As a matter of fact, I bet a job like yours leaves you tired and stressed as well.  How are you feeling mentally today?"  I'm not trying to be snotty to them since I know they mean well, I'm just saying that our culture, or maybe just life, tends to lead us into stress.  Even Jesus felt stress at times.  Remember Him turning over the tables in the temple, weeping over Lazarus when he saw Mary and Martha crying, or being so burdened that he shed tears of blood before His crucifiction?  Crazy as it sounds, I think stress has it's place in life; it helps us to look forward to the perfect peace of heaven.  I also think it is a logical part of marriage, and what I think our culture lacks is couples who know how to destress together.
     My dad has been in the ministry my whole life, and while it's a blessed calling, it is also one that tends to carry a great deal of stress.  My parents, like any adults, had to deal with individual stress in their lives.  However, they took destressing one step further and dealt with stress as a couple.  This is how they taught me what a good marriage can be.  For as long as I can remember, my parents have dated.  Now, don't get me wrong, they have been happily married since 1978, but they will tell you that a major key to the success of their marital bliss is that they never stopped dating.  The idea is so ingrained in me that I have a hard time believing that there are those couples out there who ever stop dating once they get married.  Marriage is wonderful, AND it is hard.  Parenting is an amazing blessing, AND it is hard.  Being an adult is rewarding, AND it is hard.  We, as married people, need time away from all of the difficulties of life to just be together with our spouse and remember who we are as a couple.  I love my children desperately, I love being with them, I love taking them places, but if I don't get away with my husband by myself at times, then we are no longer a joined force in the family unit, but two individual members of that unit.  I believe that there is comfort in a united front from Mommy and Daddy to everyone in the family.  Proof of this is the pain and struggle of the family unit when there is disunity in the marriage.  I also believe this is one reason why in marriage, God tells us that we become one.  It's not "me" working alone on the family unit; it is "we" working on the family unit.  I'm never working against Dean, I'm always working along side him.  It makes things a lot less lonely and weary when you have someone at your shoulder to lean on when you get tired.
    All that being said, I know it's hard to get away to date sometimes.  It was easy when it was just Princess.  People fought over babysitting her.  Now that we have three, it a much bigger commitment to keep our kids for a date night.  In addition, the fact that we both work full-time keeps our sitters pretty busy, and there are times when we would desperately love to go somewhere, anywhere together and just talk, but there's just no way to make it happen.  We've adapted though, and something we've always done as a simple gesture has become an important moment away in our minds, we dance in the kitchen.  Dean is a wonderful man to be willing to help me clean the house after working (most days two different jobs) all day.  We get the little ones to sleep and double team the mess in our house.  We also turn on some music.  It's not usually romantic music, just songs we like.  Dean is a huge fan of 90s music, so we sometimes find ourselves dancing to Nirvana, Bush, Foo Fighters, or even whatever is on a station of the sort.  We also pull out our old wedding song "Broken Road" by Rascal Flats and dance to that.  We just hug up and slow dance around the kitchen, or living room, or whatever room we happen to be cleaning at the time.  It seems like the kitchen is the room that we usually end up dancing in, so that is what I think of when I imagine us dancing.  It's a moment in his arms when I can block out whatever stress is going on in life and just remember who we are as a couple.  It's a small thing, but aren't the small things in life the ones that stand out in our minds?  If I'm frustrated, feeling that I'm carrying a heavier load than I can handle, feeling tired from motherhood, or even just feeling angry at Dean over whatever married people get angry about, just a small dance around the kitchen helps.  If there isn't any music easily available, we just dance anyway.  We destress for a moment, and then we suit back up, and go back for more of what life has to offer.

     Maybe this post is a strange one for you, but I have a feeling that someone out there needed to see this, and if you are a wife or one day may be, then here's my prayer for you:
 
"Dear God, thank You so much for creating the marriage relationship.  Thank You for sending me a wonderful man to love and honor in this life.  Thank You for working in him and drawing him to You.  Help me to be the wife I should be, and help me to love my husband as I should.  Please help my sisters in Christ out there as they deal with the stress of life.  Help them to draw closer to their husbands and to You.  Lord, please give them moments of peace in marriage, and God, if any of my sisters are in a relationship with a husband who doesn't know you, help them be the light leading to You, God.  Touch our husband's lives; bless them, Lord.  Show them your favor.  We praise You, we praise You, we praise You.  Amen."

I'm including this picture, which is actually way more glamorous than our usual dances.  We were dressed up to chaperone a prom here, and I had a photographer (aka my mom) at hand.  I knew I wanted to deal with this in a post soon, so I asked her to snap a picture of us dancing.  Usually, I'm in sweats, a t-shirt, and my bare feet so I'm standing on my toes.  Sometimes, there are little ones at our knees dancing along or crying to be picked up.  It doesn't normally look this glamorous, but it always feels just as special.