Here's part three of the Submissive wife series!! I thought about naming the post something else, since it seems that at least a few people are stumbling upon my blog in search of something else and feel it necessary to "enlighten" me on the error of my beliefs. However, in a world constantly screaming at us to be "open minded", I think it's time for others to be open minded of my lifestyle. The last two key elements of my decision to be submissive are:
Being submissive does not mean you do not help with the decision making.
I'm going to be honest. If being a submissive wife meant I had no control over anything that happened in my life or the lives of my children, it would be a much harder lifestyle to accomplish. As I have said before, being a submissive wife doesn't mean you are someone's personal doormat or slave. Dean has always been the kind of man who is very thoughtful about making decisions. Even before we were married, he would seek my opinions and advice about big decisions. Therefore, when we got married, we were used to confiding in the other about insecurities with certain decisions. It wasn't perfectly seamless; I was used to being on the go constantly and spending money however I chose before we were married. In turn, he didn't always consult me on decisions with his farm business. These were hard lessons learned to a newlywed couple. I had to be more conscious of his feelings if I had my whole weekend booked up with activities that didn't invole him. Honestly, going from a college student who only needed spending money to an adult with bills to pay caused the money spending issue to solve itself rather quickly. I still try to take his feelings into account when making big purchases, and he does the same for me. In turn, Dean has continually integrated me into the farm business. I know I may not seem like the farming business type, but it's very interesting, challenging, and takes such dedication, that I can't help but love being on the "team" when it comes to our family farm. I feel myself to be a very important aspect of Dean's decision making process, and he feels the same about being an important part of mine. I felt like we had finally made it to this point when I realized that each time I made a decision (even a little one), I thought about the effect it would have on him.
If you find yourself in a relationship where your husband does not take your feelings into account when making decisions or he does not involve you in the decision making process, hang in there. One way to encourage this progress is to simply talk to him about the issue. Ensure him that you want to be a part of the process even though you support him no matter what, and if he makes a decision that hurts your feelings, tell him in a LOVING way. Also, as with anything in life, be the example. Go to him and ask him how he feels about the decisions you make, even those dealing with your job. Express to him that you are concerned with his feelings with every decision you make from which movie you rent to buying unnecessary make up. These examples may be extreme, but if you want him to think of you each time he makes a decision, you must think of him when you make your decisions. You'd be surprised at how touched someone can be when they realize you bought their favorite cereal without them even asking.
Being a submissive wife will make your husband a stronger, more confident man.
I think the most important job of a wife is to build her husband up. Women and men are astronomically different, but one thing we both crave is to be encouraged, complimented, and supported no matter what. My husband is a very confident man on many levels; however, sometimes the pressure of running a family business, and even a family, can make him second guess himself. We all understand that on some level. No one wants to fail. Everyone wants to be wonderfully successful in life, and being in charge of the success of others can be burdensome. I have learned as a wife to always express my support and how proud I am of my husband. I always thought he knew how proud I am of him, but during our marriage, I have learned that I have to constantly reinforce the way I feel about being on "his side". I'm his biggest fan, and I make sure I tell him often. If he makes a difficult decision, and I know he is worried about it, I make sure I tell him that I am behind him no matter what, even if his idea fails. It is important to him, and when he has to make those hard decisions, it makes him stronger in what he chooses when he feels that I am behind him. There are times when he must face others who question the decisions and express concern. He doesn't back down when he knows I support him. He is stronger because of the fact. I love that his love for me is so strong that he trusts me as his top support. He may be the president of this life we live, but rather than the first lady, he makes sure I feel like the second in command. When a man feels that he has the world on his shoulders, it helps to know there is someone there to help him balance it.
Here's my prayer for the last post in the submissive wife series of my blog:
"Dear Father, we adore You. Thank You God for being bigger and stronger than we ever could hope to be. We pray Your blessings on our precious husbands. We ask that You give us the strength and wisdom to protect our family units by being the wives You have called us to be. We give You all the praise for every lesson learned and every success achieved. You, Lord, are our first love, and we thank You for giving us a relationship that strengthens our understanding of love. Thank You, God, for these ladies who encourage me. Bless them, please."
