If I learned anything the hard way with Princess, it would be that Dean and I need a break every now and then. A break from our kids, a break from either just the babies or just Princess, and sometimes even a break from everyone including each other. We both love to be alone some, so don't think us an unloving couple. Rather, we're thinkers, and it's hard to do a lot of soul searching with the racket of a family booming around. So we try to make sure we take breaks this time around, especially the kind that will either grow us as a couple or grow us spiritually. Sometimes though, coming back makes me wonder if going "out" was even worth it at all.
For example, Dean and I took part of our youth group, Peace, Love, and Mustardseed, (strange nicknames, I know) to see a Christmas play at a church an hour and a half away from our home. This meant dividing up my children and asking people to take them to church with them. Many people think it sad that we often divide our kids up when we go out other than to work, but honestly, Princess also needs time away from "baby land", so I don't mind it at all. This way, she is also free from the circular schedule she lives on with the twins. Plus, it's a task for me to take all three somewhere alone, so I wouldn't want to ask someone else to do that on a Sunday morning when you have to be somewhere on time. We went to another church's program for the girls to see something different and new, and so that we could have a spiritual respite ourselves. We are both very involved in our church's Sunday morning worship service, and we honestly just needed to be at church in a way that we could bask in the glory of God without having to worry about the pressures of our normal tasks. Don't get me wrong, I love being on the praise team, and Dean is an awesome media person, but a break is nice sometimes.
We sent Princess with Bubby and the twins with my in laws. The twins visited their grandparents' church for the first time, and Princess was at her usual church. Everything went fine for the whole family....until we got home. I made the mistake of literally getting back into town, picking up the twins, and heading to the children's play practice at church. Princess, who wouldn't eat lunch or take a nap, was grumpy, starving, and hyper all at the same time. The twins were needy and clingy. All this added to the pressure of trying to keep them behaving long enough for practice to occur made me immediately stressed out. It didn't end there. I came home from my wonderful day out to about 9 loads of laundry and a house so messy, I'm not sure where to start. On top of that, I needed to fill out my Christmas cards so that they will hopefully make it to their destination before Christmas, AND I needed to repack the diaper bag for the next day. Not to mention the fact that I wanted to spend time with my children.
I began the same self loathing inner monologue that occurs everytime I leave my children to do something for myself and they are anywhere other than at home while I'm gone. "It's not worth getting a break if I come home just to instantly be more stressed out than I was before. I should've just stayed home. My kids are always good for the sitter and then immediately mad when I get home. We will never be able to go anywhere again. etc, etc, etc."
I woke up this morning ready to blog, hoping I would feel better and have a better perspective about the whole thing. I don't. I'm still not sure if it's always worth the trouble. I know that being out in the world other than just for work is a good thing, especially if I'm with Dean, but I hate the backlash of doing so. At any rate, I'm going to keep doing what I need to for my marriage, spirit, and sanity. Hopefully, I'll learn how to come back in such a heavenly state that the chaos that ensues won't bother me.
Now, for the encouragement part, all I can say is if you can identify, it's not just you. Also, I'm pretty sure our kids aren't purposely trying to sabotage our brief vacations from mommyland. They love us so much that sometimes they just don't know how to express themselves...I'm telling myself that is what it is anyway.
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