All at once, I'm standing in the middle of a playground with two small children who are very dear to me. I'm just letting everything come into focus in my mind when I realize that my dream has no sound. What's even more odd is that it's a deafening silence, as if someone has hit the mute button, but I can still hear the little buzz of sound trying to come through. It's an amazingly bright day, and everything seems to have a glare from the sun. In an instance, I know for a fact that, even though I can't hear it, someone has fired a gun into the crowd, and I turn without thinking and catch one of my little dears as they fall. I calmly tell the other child to duck down next to me, and I know the little one does so. I don't know how I know all of these things, I just do. Here's the crazy thing: I am not afraid. Normally in such a dream, my heart would be pounding out of my chest. It's not. I absolutely know that my little dear one will be okay, I know that there will be no more gunshots, I know the shooter will get caught. There is absolute chaos around me. I realize that the park is in the middle of a wooded area, and everyone is running into the woods. I wonder to myself why they are so panicked. I notice that my instincts kicked in because I have my hand over the wound on the little one's side to stop any blood loss. I know that no organs were hit by the bullet. The child isn't panicked, but just lays calmly, allowing me to apply pressure. Both of my little dear ones are calm; we know that help is coming. We know that if he just stay where we are, if we keep our position, everything will be okay.
As suddenly as the dream began, I awoke. I waited for the fear to creep over me. It is an extremely bothersome dream, I know. However, I never become afraid. (It may not seem that bad to you as you read it, but think of a small child you love dearly being present with you during such a dream. It's horrific to the point that I almost didn't write this post.) This lack of fear is very unlike me. I have always hated nightmares. They plagued me as a child so badly that my sweet mother would write down scriptures and put them in my room, and when we prayed together, I would pray that I would not dream at all. I hated any dream, because I associated dreaming with fear. I laid in my bed after I awoke from that dream, waiting for the fear, almost hoping for it since I knew I should be bothered by such a dream. I walked back through the whole thing in my mind so that I could tell Dean about it. (He had already gone out to work on the farm, and I was afraid I would forget it before I saw him at lunch.) All I felt was the same peace that dominated my dream. I was left feeling calm and wondering: what does that dream mean?
I immediately felt like the dream must have meant something. It had to serve a spiritual purpose. It has been over a week, and this is what I have gathered. (Maybe I'm looking too closely at this dream, but I couldn't let such a crazy dream go without trying to learn something from it.) This is a crazy world filled with danger, anger, hate, and chaos. However, as a child of God, I have the opportunity to be the peace for those around me. I can be the calm eye in the hurricane of life for my family. When I think of the Godly women I know, they have one thing in common. They are the anchor of their family. They are, in essence, home to their husbands and children. They are the ones who everyone tells their problems to, the one giving constant, unconditional encouragement, and they emit peace to the family unit. In the midst of troubled times, even though my mom herself might have been stressed to the max, she brought comfort and peace to the rest of us. I think that is what God was trying to show me. Just like in the dream, I can keep a peaceful heart because I know things will be okay, even when danger is present. I can rest peacefully, even when I'm in the middle of surviving this life because I know from where my help comes. I can have peace, even when the unseen enemy attacks because I know that God will be my vengeance. I can keep a calm heart, even in the middle of life's nightmares becasue His peace rests within me. I just have to praise God every time I think about that awful dream.
I still don't really understand how such a terrible dream could give me so much peace in my heart, but isn't that the amazing thing about our God? He can take the most horrible of things and use them for good. Somebody better be shouting about that out there!! I know this particular post is a bizarre one, so I'll try to post again this week. I just wanted to share this lesson with you while it was fresh in my mind. I wanted to show how peace can be present at unexpected moments in our hearts. I pray for peace constantly, and I'm so amazed that I found it in the middle of one of the worst nightmares I have ever had. I don't know how many of you are seeking peace in your lives right now, but I want to share a scripture with you that my mommy wrote on a post it and put on my mirror as a teenager. It helped me with it's literal meaning, but I hung on to it, and it has helped me during times when my sleep was robbed, not by nightmares, but by other things such as stress, anxiety, depression, anger, or even nerves. Maybe it will help you too. I usually end with a prayer, but at my darkest times, I would just read this scripture as my prayer when I couldn't form words of my own. If you ever find yourself there, maybe you can do the same.
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."( Psalms 4:8)
