Submissive Wife--Part 2

Okay ladies, I know it wasn't supposed to take so long to get the part 2 post out, but I have been trying to evaluate myself as a wife and be the submissive wife I feel I should be before I go trying to encourage anyone else to do the same.  However, I feel like now is the time to look into some of the things that hold us back from being the submissive wives we should be and some of the things that can make submission easier....

1.    Being a submissive wife is easier to a Godly husband.
   I know this sounds obvious, but look at the statement closely.  Many Christian women who are looking for a husband say that they want a “Godly man;” however, what they mean is they want a man who is a proclaimed Christian.  A godly man is one who isn’t just saved but he is also a man who seeks God in every aspect of his life.  He is a man who understands the family unit and the parallel it holds to the relationship between Christ and the church.  He knows that taking a wife means he is responsible for her safety, well-being, and the spiritual state of the entire family.  Why then, do so many Christian women settle for a man who is not godly?  I think the biggest reason is due to our natural instinct to connect ourselves to a mate.  I’ve seen so many young ladies get to the point in life when they just want to be settled, so they begin to panic over finding a mate.  They end up settling alright, but sometimes it’s for someone who is less than she deserves.  I know there are some thinking, “Geez, Rae, it’s not that easy to find a man who is compatible to me, lives where I want him to, does what I think is the right kind of occupation, AND is Godly…”  I’m being facetious, but think hard about what our criteria for the “perfect man” tends to be.  When did being Godly become less than the first priority for choosing a spouse?  When did we stop teaching our daughters that the most attractive trait a person can have is to love Jesus? Shame on us!  We want our children to choose someone who “is a hard worker”, “makes you happy”, and who “makes you feel loved.”  I’m not saying those are bad traits, but if a person is Godly and truly seeks to live a life pleasing to God, don’t you think those other traits will fall into place?  I’m lucky.  While Dean was not as focused on his walk with Christ when we met as he is now, I always knew that God was important in his life in a very real way.  He could say the same about me.  Therefore, if you are in the situation that you and/or your significant other aren't in the right place spiritually, get moving (closer to God, that is).
    Now we must deal with the issue of what to do if you are already in a marriage with an ungodly man.  If possible, submit.  Proverbs 31:10 says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”  Even a man outside of the will of God can appreciate a wife with “noble character”.  Now, I know there are circumstances in which a Godly woman has to choose to either submit to God or her ungodly husband.  I sincerely hope none of you are in that situation, but if so, I think you already know the right choice to make.  I’m no marriage counselor, so please don’t try to read into this for an excuse to stay in or get out of a relationship with an unsaved person.  That, my friend, is between you and God.  Feel free to email me though, and I will offer all the support I can give.


2.    Being submissive doesn't make you weak, but shows that you are strong.
     So many women today hate the mention of submission because they feel it is a term that signifies weakness.  I completely disagree.  Of all of the married women I know, those who are/ were submissive in their relationships with their husbands are by far the strongest women.  My mother, who is the strongest woman I know in my adult life, has worked hard to be a submissive wife.  I asked her after my first post how easy it was for her to become a submissive wife.  She and my father were not living for Christ when they got married, and I suppose I thought she would say that when they recommitted to Christ, it was easy.  She didn’t.  My mom, who is rebellious by nature (though she didn’t say that herself), said, “it’s still not easy 34 years in.”  That was NOT the answer I wanted.  I started thinking then about why she is such a great example of wifely submission in my life if it isn’t something that comes naturally to her.  Then it hit me; she is a great example of submission because of the fact that it isn’t easy and she does it anyway.  My mother has followed my dad all over the southern states, and honestly, she didn’t always want to do so.  Why did she?  My father told her that he felt God moving them to a particular job/place, so she went.  Wow, right?  I can’t imagine leaving behind my entire family like she did and just moving 600 miles to a place where we knew no one and had no connections.  That, ladies, takes strength.  Did she complain?  Yes. Did she cry?  Absolutely.  Did she mourn for the things and people she had to leave behind?  Of course!  However, she followed her husband, because she knew that is what God wanted of her, submission.

3.    Being submissive is a healthy example for your children.
     I truly believe that one problem with the family unit today is that children to often see their parents in a struggle for control.  They don’t know who the leader of the family is, so they see marriage as a battle of wills.  This gives them an unhealthy vision of marriage.  Rather than two people who uplift and support one another, they see two people trying to win a game of tug of war.  It teaches them to either not want to be married, or it makes them think that in order to be married, you have to constantly fight for control.  My five year old daughter is old enough to understand the idea of someone being the “boss”.  When she asked one day about who the boss is at our house, I sat her down and explained it.  I told her that I was the boss of them, daddy was the boss of all of us, and God was the boss of everyone.  She loved the idea of daddy being my “boss”, and while that term may hold negative connotations to some, I felt it was a good time to let her see that I don’t mind letting daddy make decisions because I know he will do what is best for all of us.  I also let her know that if someone is a “boss” over someone else, it is actually a hard job.  Being a boss is a big responsibility.  When daddy makes a decision, he has to be sure it is what God wants so that the outcome is a good one.  Now, I want to also add that if I make a decision at home when Dean isn’t there, he is always sure to back me up.  If I tell Princess that she can’t have ice cream because she didn’t eat dinner, he stands behind me.  If I tell her that she must go to bed earlier because she was naughty, he supports the decision.  It didn’t take her long to understand that trying to work us against one another would not end with her getting her way.  Do I make decisions in our household? Every day.  Dean works longer hours than I do, so I have to make decisions constantly.  I DO NOT make any decisions that are life-changing, finance changing, or will have big, long term effects on any of us without asking him first.  He, in return, does the same for me out of respect.  Neither of us would ever want to do something like buy a piece of land without consulting the other first.  I wouldn’t want to make my husband feel undermined in his place as our caretaker, and my husband doesn’t want to make me believe that my feelings are unimportant to him.  Therefore, we have always made those decisions together, and often, we consult someone outside who we trust to give us good advice before making those big decisions.  By working this way, we hope to show our children that being a submissive wife doesn’t make me unimportant, and being the head of the family doesn’t mean daddy doesn’t need or want mommy’s help and advice.

I have a part 3 post that will cover the other two sections of my reasons for being a submissive wife.  I would love for you all to share your own feelings and experiences of wifely submission.  Here's my prayer for us who are on this journey together towards Godly submission:

"Dear Father, help us to be consciously submissive in our marriages.  Please touch our husbands and bless them as the head of his home.  Let us be wonderful examples of Christians and wives to our children.  Please lead us towards Your will for us always.  Most of all, Lord, help us stay committed to being submissive wives even when it isn't easy.  We praise You, love You, and worship You only. Amen"