The man, the myth, the DADA!!

I was thinking the other day that each member of my family gets little individual attention on the blog, so I’m going to dedicate a post to each of them.  I will start with Dean, since without him, this little family wouldn’t exist and I met him first.  I have explained before how we met and the beginning of our relationship, so I’ll focus on his personality and character.  If there’s anything people say about Dean after meeting him, it is that 1. He is a very hard worker, and 2. He is very quiet.  It is definitely true that Dean is a hard worker, maybe even too much of a hard worker; it is also true that he is unusually quiet for a young person in this day and time.  

  

Dean loves to farm, but he knew he needed a job that would support his farming habit (as well as a wife and three kids), so he went to college to get a degree.  Originally, he wanted to become a veterinarian.  However, his talents were in History and Art.  It took him awhile to decide what he wanted to do, but in the end he graduated with a degree in History, one class short of a degree in Art, and an education endorsement.  It was never in his early plans to become a teacher, but I think it was God’s will that he did.  He has become one of the best History teacher’s that I have met.  I know my opinion doesn’t mean much, but his students’ testing scores and the fact that he has received his school’s teacher of the year award several times proves that he is good at what he does and that his students love him.  He takes pride in his paying job and just as much in his second job.  Dean is an intellectual farmer.  By that I mean that to him the best part of farming is solving the puzzles of different situations that arise.  We don’t grow produce, rather, we raise livestock including: cows, goats, and sheep.  (By we I mean him, of course.)  His favorite things to do: put up hay and fence (with his hands, no less).  I will never understand enjoying that kind of physical exertion, but I’m glad he does something he loves.  He sees the farm as a generational gift started by his parents.  He desperately wants at least one of our children to carry on after him, and I assure him constantly that with three kids, there will definitely be a nature lover among them.  

            Dean, in general, is very quiet. I am, if you haven’t already guessed, the spill your guts to the stranger on the bus type of gal.  Dean, however, usually leaves people wondering if he even likes them.  He isn’t rude of anything, but he doesn’t say much, and he’s not much of a fawner.  My friends have, over the years, had to explain to their new boyfriends, husbands, etc. that Dean simply doesn’t say all that much to begin with, and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like someone.  More than anything, he’s just reserved.  (I will most definitely have this entire post approved before posting it, just in case I “say too much that doesn’t need to be said”.)  Now, I know you’re wondering how someone could be a wonderful teacher while being characteristically reserved.  Easy answer; he’s a great actor.  Around our children, his parents, and myself he is actually very talkative and opinionated (I’m assuming this is the real him).  Around my family, he is a less outspoken and very objective when it comes to debates.  In social situations, he is a complete wallflower.  He doesn’t say much at all, even if prompted.  At work, he is a first class actor.  He is loud, a tricksters, controlling, and almost cocky acting.  Why?  When I asked he just said that it was because that is what the kids respond to best.  Simple man, simple idea.  He’s brilliant on so many levels.  I believe he has this alter ego in order to protect himself.  Therefore, even when acting, he is being himself, reserved.

            We were young, searching, and wounded by the world when we met.  He always loved me in a simple way, which is what this complicated girl needed.  I needed a man who could support me, and he was strong enough to do so.  I’ve always been a little wacky, so he knew exactly what he was getting into when he married me.  We dated for three years before we got engaged.  He stuck with me through my sick of high school phase (we met in Oct. of my senior year), my “intellectual” phase (in undergraduate school), my new wife phase, my slightly insane new mom phase, and so on.  Two weeks after he proposed, my parents moved, and I became a nomad.  I lived between my brother’s house (which was closest to Dean), college, and my parents.  It was hard on both of us, but he always supported wherever I felt like I needed to be at the time.  That is what he is especially good at, being supportive.  That is not to say he just goes along with whatever I want, but when he agrees with an idea or feeling, he supports me wholeheartedly.  When he doesn’t, he gets quiet and pouty for a while, and I know he doesn’t agree.  He was the first man I ever dated who could be honest, faithful, and completely committed while giving me room to breathe, even those times when I didn’t really want space.  He let me be my own person while we slowly melted into one being.  

            As a Christian woman, I believe that my role in the family is in submission to my husband.  I knew this when I began dating Dean and as I prayed about the idea of marrying him.  In all reality, he is very easy to submit to because he is a very cautious decision maker.  He takes his role as our family leader very seriously.  He makes decisions VERY cautiously, and he always discusses his decisions with me, even when it is about something like purchasing a piece of farm equipment that I have no idea about.  He is a wonderful, loving husband and father.  I’m so glad that I begged him to have kids, because doing so made him an even better Christian and husband himself.  He is good at the parts of parenting where I am lacking, especially at playing.  I’m a horrible pretender and I just can’t play for very long in a way that is fun to a three year old.  Dean, on the other hand, is awesome at play.  He can even manipulate a three-year-old girl into playing a game manly enough for him to enjoy.  (He has that way about him with the girls, even though he doesn’t know it.  You wouldn’t believe how many older women over the years have made catty comments to me about how they’d give me a run for my money if they were younger, or how many little girls think he’s the most handsome Prince they’ve ever seen.  He’s clueless as to why of course, which makes it even more endearing and keeps me from assaulting the elder.)  

            I know that this post may seem strange considering that my blog is mostly about the chaos of my life, which is primarily generated by factors other than my husband.  However, Dean is the kind of man who is strong enough to let me put our whole life story out there for the world and stay back in the shadows, out of view.  In our church, he is the media man.  He sits in the crow’s nest and runs all of the Power Point presentations for the service.  Most people tend to forget he’s there.  He doesn’t mind, and he definitely doesn’t want attention drawn to him.  That is one of his most attractive characteristics for me, being able to play an important part that isn’t glorified constantly.  I think allowing him to be a background worker in this blog would totally misrepresent our family, though, so I wanted to make sure he is given the credit he deserves.  We are not perfect as individuals or even as a couple, but we desperately love each other and rely on God for the success of our relationship.  It takes a strong confident man to be the eye of this storm, and I couldn’t imagine relying on anyone else. 

            For those of you with strong men to lean on, I will send praise to God with you for that man.  For those of you looking for a husband, I will pray God sends your perfect match in his time and way.  For those of you in a relationship that is struggling, I pray.  Early in our marriage, I read something that led me to begin praying this, “Dear God, help me to love Dean as I should.  Help me to love him better.”  This wasn’t my whole prayer of course, but I made it a habit in my daily prayer time.  I challenge you to pray the same.