HeliMOMter

     I don't know if any of you have ever had a pediatrician hint around about a part of your personality, but I have had two separate doctors make "passing comments" about me.  Dr. Baby Genius said something along the lines of, "You can't control every movement when you have three kids, huh?"  Another Dr., whom I deeply respect in that same practice, said, "I love studying personality traits in parents of twins.  You can't micromanage that many children at once; it's impossible." 
     Now, call me paranoid, but I seriously doubt that our general conversation just so happened to lead us in that direction during two separate doctor visits.  Granted, the craziness that ensues when I roll into the tiny room to wait on the doctor usually has me apologizing to nurses and doctors, and maybe, MAYBE, they felt the need to excuse my lack of control at the moment.  I don't know.  I do know though, that Princess suffered from my constant desire to control her every movement until I was so pregnant with the twins that I could no longer get close enough to her to hover for fear of knocking her down with my belly.  In short, becoming a mommy to the twins cured me of being a helicopter mom...sort of.
     It was easy to be a helimomter with just Princess.  She always wanted to play right at my feet, which made it easy for me to instruct her constantly on her every move.  She ate when I ate, so I just fed her.  She always wanted me there to help her with each task, so I simply did everything for her.  I know, I know; it's amazing she's normal (as normal as four year olds get anyway).  I'm sure there were moments in her little two/three year old mind when she wondered why mommy never actually let her walk into the store but carried her instead.  You may be wondering the same thing.  Honestly, it never occurred to me.  Why let her walk and risk her running away from me and getting run over when I could just carry her in instead?  I know it sounds crazy ( I would insert a "but...." here, but I have no defense and I truthfully still think it's a decent argument.)  I eventually had to stop carrying her because I was afraid I would fall and hurt both of us and carrying her weight on top of my own got burdensome.  It was then that I taught myself that we could in fact just walk hand in hand into a store without having to be unrealistically afraid of a runaway car injuring only her...Fastforward to the present.
     While I feel that I have gotten much better about being a helimomter.  I know that it's my natural tendency.  I truly just want to prevent my children from getting hurt, and maybe there is something deep within me that wants to keep them from making mistakes that may cause them pain, frustration, or even embarrassment.  However, I'm so glad that God gave me just what I needed to keep that tendency in check, chaos.  It's exhausting to micromanage one child, and it really is impossible to do so with three (especially once they are all mobile).  It's okay to teach your children to do, or not do, certain things, but we have to understand as mothers that so many lessons learned in life are done so by making mistakes.  The little things we learn "the hard way" help make us the kind of people who think about an action before taking it when we are older.  While I would love to have the energy to use every moment of my day making sure Princess, Tinker, and Tank all do everything perfectly and safely, I don't think it would be the best way of life for them.  They need me, but they need me sane, and I have to let go sometimes of things that aren't really all that important. 
     How can one possibly do so?  Well, first, you decide what you want to control most that is in essence unimportant.  Second, you let it go.  Princess's wardrobe is one area that was strangely difficult for me to let go of, not that I can't literally control what she wears, but because I knew that some days she needed that freedom from my constant control.  She loves fashion in the way many four year old girls love fashion.  She likes dresses, particularly pink ones, her American flag swimsuit, her polka dot rainboots, and she loves her white cowgirl boots, which in her mind match everything.  I don't always let her pick her outfit, but 95% of the time, I at least work out a compromise.  This is my way of not helimomtering.  It sounds silly, I know, but it really is hard for me.  It's just as hard as knowing that I can't possibly always keep Tinker from finding something that I'm sure is covered in germs and putting it in her mouth, or keeping Tank from tripping over something when he gets exciting and starts running towards me without any regard to what is in his path.  I'm not all the way there, but I'm trying.  I wanted to post about this because I think so many times our stress as moms comes from trying to control what isn't even important to control.  By all means we should make our children behave, learn respect, do things that are good and holy, but I had to learn that making Princess cry over what she will wear to Walmart, isn't worth the cost. 
    I'm on a journey, ladies; come with me.  Let's be good mothers, not helimomters.  Let's stop being a broken record in the ears of our children of "Do this", "Don't do that", and start being the voice of love and support.  Here's my prayer for us:
"Dear father, thank You for giving me such a deep love for my children.  I know that You have given me the ability to love them and a sincere desire to care for them in the best way I can.  Help me, Lord, to focus always on what is important.  Help me to let go of the trivial things that I don't need to waste time obsessing over.  Help me, Lord to be a great mom, a Godly mom.  Help me not lose my mind in the midst of this beautiful chaos. I praise You always."