Groundhog Day and Time's Winged Chariot

     As a working mom, I try very hard to appreciate every moment with my kids.  I'm extremely blessed to work in a job that contracts me for 10 months but spreads out my pay over 12 months.  Therefore, I have two months home with my kids in the summer.  You would think it would be easy to relish every moment of those two months, right?
     Here's my problem.  I'm an antsy person.  I don't like being at home all day every day.  I like my home, and I like spending time there, but I like being free to go places too.  When I had Princess, I didn't change my lifestyle too much in that area.  I loaded her up and took her wherever I wanted to go.  The twins, however, changed that.  Last summer (actually up to October) and this summer I have had to learn how to be happy just being at home with my three kiddos.  (Luckily, my husband stops in during breaks in his day to help break up the monotony for me.)  It's been a blessing, though.  It has made me a better wife, mother, and person in general.
     For the first time ever, I spent several weeks of this summer just getting my house back in order.  I have busied myself with homey type things and been pretty content.  It's an amazing thing really, because before now, I could only handle being at home (meaning not leaving the house at all) for a couple of days in a row before going stir crazy.  Dean never minded it, but I can tell he loves the new me even more than he thought possible.  He loves that I'm around for when he has a moment to stop by (he farms our land, so he's always pretty close by), he loves that the things of our family bring me sincere joy, he loves that the kids are around to go out with him when he is doing something that allows for a tag a long.  It's great, but there are those days...
     Some days I wake up and feel inexplicably restless.  I then do a mental count in my head of how many days it has been since I left the house.  It's never been more than a week since we go to church on Sundays, but it is sometimes quite a few days.  On those days I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day.  At those times, I have begun to feel (subconsciously) that every day is exactly like the day before with no changes, no variations but ones that make things more frustrating, and everything is stuck in repeat.  It's not that my everyday routine is a bad one, it's just that after a while, the small irritations become increasingly irritating.  It's on those days I call someone up and get out of the house.  We may go to lunch, out shopping, running errands, anything to make the day different.  These days are usually pretty stressful when you're dragging around twin 13 month olds and their 4 year old sister.  Even poor Princess can get stressed from the ordeal just trying to eat in a nice restaurant can become.  **As a side note, a lot of people have made the mistake of saying things like, "I take three kids out by myself all the time" to which I respond, "How many are not walking? Only one, huh? That must be nice to only have to carry one.  And how many aren't potty trained?  Again only one, Hmmm.  That does sound manageable.  Try packing a diaper bag for two, loading up a four year old, putting two babies in carseats, carrying two babies and your wallet (forget the diaper bag at this point) in the store while having the older one hang on to your pocket, putting the two smallest in the buggy (you know, the part they aren't supposed to be in), and then trying to actually buy something.  I'll probably get out more as well when my kids are more mobile. " ** Sorry for getting off subject, but you see where I'm coming from.  It's not easy to just get out and go, but it's worth giving up.  I have learned how to get through the groundhog days.  I just throw in some variation.  It is something I do tend to deal with though.  Ironically enough, I also deal with feelings that are completely opposite.
     On the days when I'm loving the routine of my life, I have this sense of urgency to appreciate every moment, because it will be over before I know it.  I am lucky to get two months of vacation in the summer, but two months passes so much more quickly than I could ever imagine.  I'm constantly thinking of the quote from Andrew Marvell that says, But at my back I always hear time's winged chariot hurrying near.  It feels like time is flying behind me, rushing me forward.  I literally feel like I have to enjoy life as quickly as possible so that I don't miss anything.  I think that is why I always stayed so busy before; I was trying to squeeze as much out of summer as I could.  It didn't work of course, but rather made summer feel shorter instead.  When I was thinking about this post, I almost named it "Groundhog Day and Dorothy's Hour Glass" instead because the image of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz kept popping up in my head.  You know the scene when the witch has her in her castle and she turns over the hour glass and says she's going to kill her when it runs out, and Dorothy sits there staring at it frantically, biting her fingernails, and crying?  That's kind of how I feel at times too.  It's a strange juxtaposition of two completely opposite feelings.  I try not to let myself get depressed by the days ticking by, but I try not to feel stuck in the repetition those days offer either.  As is normal with me, I feel this to be a spiritual lesson.
     God has taught me that 1.  I need to just be still sometimes.  That doesn't mean I get to sit in the floor and play with my kids all day.  There is always plenty to do.  What I do mean by "still" is just being willing to live the simple part of my life.  The part where I'm Mommy and Wifey, not Mrs. 2.  I need to quit worrying about time passing by so quickly and just be in the moment.  You can't look beyond today in dread of it ending and actually enjoy any of it, so just stop and be in the moment, even if it's stressful or hectic. 3.  Don't do things to purposely make the time go by faster or make it feel longer.  Neither works.  In the end, even if every moment is miserable or exhilarating, it will be the past, and we will make of it what we want in our memories.  It's been a great summer, probably the best of my life and still I have little nuances, so I wanted to write this for those of you struggling to enjoy your life right now.  Here's my prayer for us all:
  "God, you are so awesome to give us life.  Sometimes we take the joy out of it by stressing over whether we are enjoying it to the fullest.  Please forgive us for doing so.  Show us how to enjoy life and appreciate it fully.  In the good times, we praise You for goodness.  In bad times, we praise You for Your perfect will.  Thank you for this life. We praise You, we praise You, we praise You."