Confidence vs. Entitlement

     I think we can all see the bothersome trend in generations today of a sense of entitlement.  It seems to have started with my generation, but as a teacher, I can see it progressing.  It seems that among children, those who work the hardest in school and extracurricular activities tend to have the biggest sense of entitlement.  I've heard students (and even their parents) say things like, "I'm a perfect student, can't you just overlook this one little thing?"  or "I'm an athlete; I can't get in trouble."  The insinuation is that a "good" kid should get a break from the rules, because he/she usually tries to follow them.  As Christians, don't we also sometimes have this same sense of entitlement?  "I serve You, God, so I shouldn't have to deal with this issue." Or maybe, "I try so hard, Lord, why can't something in my life just go right?"  Maybe I'm the only one guilty of this.

     In response to the trend, there is a rather disturbing answer.  I see parents all around me who do not want their children to grow up with a sense of entitlement, so they make sure to tell their children constantly that the world "owes them nothing" and "they have to work for everything they get in life" and"nothing is ever free or easy".  These statements are true, but sometimes the ideas are taken too far.  In addition, they tend to point out their children's flaws so that their children don't think that they are superior to anyone, and therefore deserving special treatment because of being better.  They don't mean to tear them down, they just want to show them that others are just a special and deserving as them.  Sadly, the lesson seems to eventually lead to a child who has no confidence at all.  They seem browbeaten and humbled to the point of....I don't even know, shame, worthlessness, hopelessness?  It's most sad to me because I know most of these parents mean well.  They really do just want their children to know that they have to work for what they earn in life.  They don't mean to tear down the confidence that they are supposed to be building.

     I worry about these issues with my own children, and, after a particularly hard day with Princess, I felt myself struggling with these two opposites.  She made comments that sounded very entitled, and without even knowing what I was doing, I began pointing out that God gives us things, not because we can possibly deserve them, but because He loves us in spite of our flaws.  I saw her start to crumble emotionally and realized what I was doing.  I immediately repented to God for failing to build up the fragile heart he had put under my care.  As equally importantly, I apologized to my little Princess and reminded her that she was "fearfully and wonderfully made", and I took a more gentle route of explanation.  At that moment, I began to ponder in my heart how a parent could walk the line between confidence, which we are in charge of building in our children, and the entitlement attitude that the world will try to get them to adopt.

Let's see what the Bible says about how we build our children:

Ephesians 6:4 ESV  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

 Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child

Psalms 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

     Wow, these scriptures sure do show me a thing or two about parenting.  It made me feel better though, that there is a line to walk between making your children behave with an attractive attitude of grace and gratitude and building up their vulnerable little spirits.  For a moment in my life, I was in danger of becoming that parent who withheld praises for fear of making my child feel that the world owed something to her.  HOWEVER, maybe if I constantly remind my kids that this world is not their home and God has perfection awaiting us in Heaven, then they won't be concerned with what the world has to offer.  In order to do this, I have to first fully embrace that fact myself.  I can't live in constant worry about what the world thinks of me (thank goodness, because I'm not feeling a lot of love from the world lately), and I have to live in confidence that God is in control.  I have to show them that the things that are given to me in this life, the things I earn, the things I give away, etc., all belong to God anyway.  He puts us in charge of things, and we must care for them as His property, not ours.  We aren't entitled to anything, but God loves us enough to give us blessings in life, and there's nothing wrong with being blessed. There is also nothing wrong with blessing our children.

     What I want more than anything in life is to be the best child of God I can.  I also want to be a great wife and wonderful mother.  I truly believe that if I become the best child of God I can, He will show me by example how to be a magnificent parent.  Keep your heads up, sisters, we'll figure this mommy thing out together.  Here's my prayer today:

  "God, we love you so completely.  We ask you to help us raise our babies to be confident in a world that will try to tear down their confidence.  We know that the unconditional love you show us pours through us and on to our children.  Help us to express that fact to them in a way that will make them strong.  Help us to also teach them that this world will not fulfill them, only You will.  We ask that You give us wisdom, strength, and confidence so that we can be great examples to our babies.  We love You, we love You, we love You. Amen."