The art of romance

I hope the title of the post didn't mislead you into thinking that I have the secret to the art of romance.  Rather, I just have some thoughts about how romance within a relationship changes after each child is born into a family.  I'm so glad that Dean and I were together for several years before having our children.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think it would have been easier to have had children younger, when I had more energy, but overall I think those formative years helped us establish a bond that can't be broken.  We had time to go out on dates and establish our young selves for three years before getting married, then we had another three to establish ourselves as a married couple coexisting before bringing Princess into the mix.  Lastly, we had three years to establish ourselves as a family unit before adding in the twins.  Now, we didn't work it out that way, God did.  We didn't always want to wait so long, and sometimes, things happened more quickly than expected.  That timing, however, did help us establish our version of romance along the way.

If there is one thing we are not, it's romantic.  We try; it's just not natural.  I think it is because we are just too practical.  We are more into real love.  The kind of love that spills an entire glass of tea on her lap on the first date, or the kind of love that makes a man an hour late on Valentine's Day when he decides at the last minute to go pick up flowers and doesn't realize what a madhouse the store will be.  We just can't make that "perfect date' happen.  We've given up a long time ago.  Our first Valentine's Day together, we decided not to buy gifts, but to make them.  I made this cheesy picture thing in computer class at school (I was still in high school when we met), and Dean put those art classes to use by drawing a picture of me.  Well, he started it anyway, and to this day, it is unfinished.  He says he just can't do me justice, which means he doesn't like it and refuses to start over or settle for what it is.  I tried to make spaghetti and meatballs for our dinner and burnt the meatballs.  Oh well, it is what it is.

To be honest, there are times that it bothers each of us that we aren't more romantic, but overall I love the fact that we are not hung up on the idea of being romantic.  We began our relationship, and I mean literally on the first date, deciding that we would be real.  We agreed that in most relationships, it takes about 6 months for the "real" you to show up, and that before that, you're putting your best face forward so to speak.  We didn't want that.  We were both a little jaded about love, and decided that if we couldn't be honest and still like each other, we weren't going to last eventually anyway.  We didn't want to waste our time in such a case.  Luckily, God helped us through and we knew we were with the best person for us.  The rest is history I suppose.  I'm not saying we have a perfect relationship, and I wouldn't want that anyway.  If you try to hang on to those moments of perfection, the pressure is too much and you can't enjoy it.

Fast forward ten years.  February 14, 2012 makes the 11th Valentine's Day we are together.  We decided to celebrate last night.  It wasn't romantic.  I cooked T-bone steaks and cheese potatoes and we ate at the table with full lighting so that we could feed the kids at the same time.  We didn't do gifts, at least I hope not, since I haven't bought a single thing for Dean.  Actually, I know we didn't, because he's not really good at surprising me and we just paid for a necessary bathroom renovation that makes that kind of unnecessary spending ridiculous right now.  We celebrated early, because all three kids have a doctor's appointment today, and who knows what they'll be like later.  We'll probably stop and get Princess a little box of chocolates, and remind her that loving and being loved by God is the most important thing in life.  The twins will probably cry all evening because of getting their second flu shots, and you know what?  It's okay.  It's okay that our day isn't super romantic, and it's okay that we didn't spend any money on each other, and it's okay today wasn't a big event.  We'll be together.  For better, for worse, and no matter what.  That, my friend, is what love is to me.  If you're the kind of person who needs butterflies and shaky knees, I hope you get it.  But do yourself a favor and look for the real acts of love.  A man who will clean up the kitchen so you don't have to, or a man who will take half of a day off work so that he can spend Valentine's Day with you in the doctor's office.

Here's my love prayer for all of us ladies including the married, the single, the mommies, and thechildless.  "Dear God.  Help us to remember what true love is.  Help us to remember that Your love is all we need.  Help us to love those around us as we should.  Help us to feel loved by You at all times.  We love You, we love You, we love You."