I like to move it, move it....

     I went to Zumba today, and I loved it!  I loved how it was like dancing (I like to move it, move it) and working out at the same time.  I loved that I felt energetic and tired at the same time.  I loved that it was just for me.  However, I came home feeling really guilty about it.  I had a great time, burnt some calories, and relieved some work week stress.  However, I hated that I had to shuffle the kids' schedule around even more because of it, hated that it made Dean have to stay out later doing farm and yard work, and hated that it put me behind schedule with house work (not that I do too much each day).  I felt so good to be exercising, and for the first time in my life, I feel like my desire to exercise is for the right reason.  Why then, can't I enjoy it? 
     I have already admitted on here that my history with body image is pretty sketchy.  I have always just looked at exercise as a way to make me skinny/skinnier.  I never cared at all about the health benefits of it.  However, whether it be due to having kids or just getting older, I now look at it as a way to make me healthier.  Don't get me wrong though, I'm still hoping it will make me skinny (without having to give up cookies and such).
     I work full time and then come home to my kids.  I try to make sure I spend time with them AND do as much house work as possible so it isn't too backed up on the weekend.  However, I have let other things, like exercise, go.  I feel too guilty about spending that extra time away from my kids. (I mean, who needs to be healthy for those kids, right?)  I've been trying to figure out how to work in exercise without being away from my kids any longer by:
1.  only exercising when they are all asleep (at 9 or 10 pm or 5 am)=fail. 
2.  only exercising when I'm off work (one day a week doesn't do too much for me) = half-hearted fail
3. Taking them with me (complete waste of time, but I did burn a lot of calories just getting them
     all there and back).=major fail
4. Doing an exercise video at home. (Having an audience of 4, even if 2 are babies, just didn't work
     for me.) =self-conscious fail.

     In the end, I've decided (just today actually) that I'm going to seek God about it.  If my body is a temple, then it belongs to and should bring glory to God.  I have prepared my heart for exercise (given my past of unhealthy body image) as something meant to keep me healthy, not make me beautiful or skinny.  It doesn't do me any good to skip something like that for the sake of my children when I know that exercise will help me be healthier for more years and make me feel better in the mean time. 
     I can't promise that I will work out as regularly as  recommended or that I'll run some marathon (or at all for that matter), but I will be actively trying to make myself healthier through exercise.  Hopefully some of you other moms who tend to feel guilty about taking care of yourselves will do so also.  Good luck to us all!!