Shoulder talking

     You know how on old cartoons a character's conscience was portrayed by two little versions of them on their shoulders fighting back and forth?  Well, I've had some interesting arguments from other people in my world lately that reminded me of just that.  There have been a few angels, and as is usually the case, there have been a few devils as well.  I'm not literally calling anyone an angel or a devil, but I think you get the idea.
    Here's my story:
     *enter devil on shoulder*I ran into a lady the other day who I used to know.  She inquired about my family's well being, admired my children individually, and proceeded to tell me she "just couldn't believe (I) went back to work after having (my) twins and that she just couldn't bare the thought of it.  She didn't know how I did it.  Who kept them all every day anyway? etc. etc. etc."  You'd be proud of me.  I didn't get defensive at all, and honestly, I just didn't answer some of the questions she asked.  I do not hide the fact that I work mainly because I need to do so financially, but I don't know that the reason has all that much to do with having children.  I most definitely would have quit working permanently when I had my children if that were an option, but I cannot guarantee I would be any less crazy.  Honestly, I'd probably be even more crazy than I am now if I were a stay at home mom.  I love the idea of it, but it's a life that is stressful in a way I can't explain to those who have never experienced it.  Anyway, I didn't feel the need to tell her why I went back to work, which is largely due to the fact that I enjoy being able to have things such as electricity and food without struggling horrifically to do so.  I simply explained the sitter arrangement, said yes, I did in fact go to work again, and dismissed myself.  I was pretty proud though.  I know good and well that God must have shut down part of my brain so that I didn't make a scene in the line of a public establishment, but I patted myself on the back a little mentally, too.  I had at least let God take control of the situation, and he did a great job of keeping my mouth in check.  I refused to defend myself to someone who did not understand my choices.  As a mother, it is very difficult not to defend my choices.  I strive to make the best "mommy" decisions I can, and the fact that I'm personally torn about the idea myself makes me even more insecure and defensive about it.  Life went on.  I shook my head at the situation, refused to obsess over whether any meanness was intended, held my head up high, and enjoyed being with my kids that day.
     *enter angel on shoulder*I ran into a former acquaintance from high school who I stay in touch with on face book at an egg hunt in my home town.  She complimented my post baby physique and told me she admired me for being able to "do it all", which I think all you ladies can understand as a mommy compliment.  She made me feel like all the hard work I do is appreciated, though unseen, because she knows what being a mother consists of and can do the general math of adding two little babies to a family of three.  I accepted her compliments as best as I could.  I think most people now are bad at being complimented.  I am pretty convinced that I do not do the mommy thing all that flawlessly, and feel the need to point out all my flaws when complimented.  She will never know how much she encouraged me.
     *enter devil on shoulder* I ran into another lady I used to know from the same place as the first lady (weird all the people I'm running into lately, huh?) on the same day that I ran into the angel.  She, as a new grandmother, inquired about my children enough to solicit an inquiry about her new grandchild (I would've asked anyway).  The conversation (in the middle of the grocery store) led on and on and eventually landed on the topic of if I had gone back to work.  I replied that yes I had, and she seemed very shocked at the answer.  "How do you do it?!?" asked she.  "I don't know.  I just do." I replied.  She goes on, "Well who keeps your kids?"  I answered with the list of those who keep them.  (In case I have never actually explained this, here it goes.  My mother keeps my children one day a week, my godmother keeps them two days a week, and my in laws keep them two days a week.  We try to keep the days consistent for the ease of all involved, but we are all really good at working together to make sure everyone is organized and doesn't miss an appointment or anything, so the organization of it all can be stressful at times.  They all come to my house to keep my children, which is good for my children since they are in their own homes. It is also good for the sitters since everything they need is at hand.)  I didn't explain to this lady that my sitters all came to my house simply because I didn't think to do so.  She responded, "Well, I am the only one who keeps my grandchild because WE don't want HIM to be passed around too much to EVERYONE and get off schedule."   I smiled blankly...."Well, ahem, I can understand that.  That is exactly the reason why all of MY sitters VOLUNTEERED to come to MY house to keep them in THEIR environment."  I'm not proud of the crack in my confidence here that caused me to feel the need to defend myself, and I have since repented of it.  I couldn't help myself though, in that moment of flesh, because in my mind, she was attacking the fact that I have several different people keep my children rather than just one person.  Everyone who keeps my children loves them unconditionally.  I know that my children have their needs met, are hugged and kissed, and are spending time with someone who will be important in their lives.  I consider my baby sitter situation to be one of best biggest blessings from God at this moment in my life.  Therefore, I defended the situation.  I shouldn't have; I know that now.  God tells us that he is our defender, and who am I to think I could just in and handle the thing?  I'm sorry I let you all down.  I feel like I should have held my head up, known that I was doing the best I can in life and right with God in the decisions I made.
     I have several angels on my shoulder in life.  Sissy is naturally an encourager, my mom is my biggest fan, and all the friends I have close to me are the kind to not only let you know everything is okay but change a diaper while they are doing it.  I also have you ladies who encourage me either on here, through email, or on my face book.  I'm especially thankful for S. Paul and her sister C. Burgan who are my mommy blog cheerleaders.  They really help me keep this going through encouragement.  Funny though, the devils on my shoulder leave me shaken, and Satan certainly knows when to send them my way.  Pray for me ladies, and I'll pray for you.
Here is my prayer:  "Thank you, God, for being our defender.  Thank You for encouraging us in our spirits as well as through Godly people you send our way, and sweet strangers who pass through our lives.  Help us to keep in mind that no decision we make will be approved of by everyone, and that we are not here to make the world happy, but to glorify You.  Help us to keep Your glory our focus in life.  Help us to love our children like we should, and help us to love both the angels and the devils that perch on our shoulders.  We praise You."