The very very beginning!

I met my husband, Dean, when I was one month shy of 18 years old.  I loved him instantly.  We dated for three years before getting married.  My sister-in-law and mother are given credit for fixing us up.  Dean is 5 years older than me, so we hadn’t really ran into each other even in our small town.  We were both in emotionally vulnerable states and we each thank God for sending the other to us.  He knows the ways I’m crazy and helps me, and I return the favor for him.  If there’s anything I can say for myself, it is that I have always been goal oriented.  My problem, however, is that I sometimes only look to the immediate future in my planning.  Therefore, when Dean told me he wanted me to be able to experience college life, I flew through a B.A. program at what might have been record speed.  Why you may ask?  Well, I wanted to be married of course!  The thought of future children never occurred to me.  HELLO!  College only prepares you for a future career.  When would I possibly have even thought of children?  There was also the issue of being pregnant, which meant gaining weight.  I had been the chubby kid up until 7^th grade when I dropped a bunch of weight due to moving for the first time ever (via cheerleading and volleyball).  My weight fluctuated a bit through the years, but most people from high school remember me as being pretty small.  I won’t deny that I had a bit of a self-esteem issue that led to less than healthy habits that I still struggle with today.  Therefore, actually carrying, and then birthing (a horrifying thought I never even let enter my mind until I was already pregnant), was out of the question.  Isn’t it funny how life works?  Out of nowhere, my mind began to change. My older brother had his second son, and there was just something special that caught my eye about children in general.  (I mean that in the sense of having one’s own child to rise, not just enjoying their cuteness and intoxicating baby smell.)  It wasn’t that I loved my second nephew any more than the first, but my oldest nephew was born just nine days after I got married, so I simply wasn’t in the place of imagining myself as a mother.  However, when “Tumpy” came along, he took to me right away, and I loved him in a way that I knew that I could meet his needs if necessary (rather than holding him while he was happy and then passing him off when the least little thing made me nervous).   My best friend at work was pregnant around the same time, and I remember her saying once before ever even revealing her pregnancy, “if all the Christians quit having children because the world is so bad, how will it ever get better?”  OUCH!  It was something I needed to hear.  I had used that very excuse, which prompted her comment.  In truth, I wasn’t actually afraid of bringing a child into a horrible world anyway; it was just an excuse to hide behind.  For some reason, God saw me fit to be a mother, and melted my heart with one little situation after another until I realized that I truly wanted a child.  It was then that I undertook a great task…talking my husband into having a baby.  Believe me; it was harder than you’d think.  My husband and I both battle selfishness (we at least feel a little better in the fact that we are aware of the situation, admit to it, and work on it).  Having a child would mean obvious sacrifice, and it was easier for me to (pretend to) accept the challenge than for him to accept it himself.  We are the kind of people who agonize over what kind of stove to buy and resent the price of everything for fear of stretching ourselves too thin financially.  Having a child is a HUGE financial commitment, so the thought was terrifying, especially to my husband who bears the greater burden financially between us.  However, through his great love for me (or maybe it was my constant begging, pleading, and nagging), he agreed.  We starting trying to get pregnant in June of 2007, and found out we had been successful before that month was even up.  I think it was God’s way of helping us to not back out.  My husband hit his knees praying for a boy, while preparing himself for the girl he knew we’d have, ever the optimist. 

 Like I said folks, brutal honesty is what you'll get if you hang around here.