I can’t even begin to list everything people told us about twins, but we got some very interesting comments. First, let me explain that there are very few experts on multiples in the general public. However, there are tons of people who will give you their “expert” advice on twins. As a matter of fact, when people find out you are having twins (which usually comes up when they see that you are expecting and either 1. Ask what you are having or 2. Comment on how you must be due anytime even though you are months away from delivery), they are fascinated and excited with your predicament and feel the need to comment in some way. To be honest, I was pretty hard to offend when I was pregnant with the twins, which was a good thing. (Side Note: Number two above was usually said by a man or member of the senior citizen community, so their age or ignorance in what not to say to pregnant women made them easy to forgive.) I particularly loved the looks on the faces of those who asked what I was having and heard me reply, “both”. I could have said it differently, but it was more fun that way. After such comments, they usually told me everything they knew about twins (it often didn’t take long), OR they told me about a set of twins they knew once. These conversations happened in the grocery store, Wal-Mart, or anywhere else I ventured out in public. This reason is why I refused to go out in public in my own hometown by week 34; my extreme girth might have had a little to do with it too. Now, there is a pretty significant difference between facts on identical twins and fraternal twins. I’m not going to start listing them since I myself am no expert. (I don’t want to put any misinformation on here by mistake.) I got tons of advice on how to make them sleep together (definitely together), or apart (definitely apart) from people who had never had children, much less twins. I was told how much to have them together or apart in general (which is silly since they are siblings and will be together a great deal along with Princess who is three years older). What was really troublesome to me at first was when people in the medical field gave me incorrect information. Now, a doctor never did this, but there were several nurses and ultrasound technicians along the way that made incorrect comments. (I found out they were incorrect only when I mentioned the statements to Dr. Wonderful, my high risk dr.). I am not saying this to put down any member of the medical community; especially nurses and ultrasound technicians who took wonderful care of me throughout my pregnancy and delivery. I’m simply trying to explain that as a mother to be (whether it be with two, three, or eight babies) you have to educate yourself and rely on your specialists for information. I am not the “I know more than you” type person in life, so I usually nodded and thanked people for information given, even if I knew it was incorrect. I think that’s the nice thing to do. My mommy always told me that if I couldn’t be nice, I should just keep my mouth shut. (I’m summarizing of course.) None of these things bothered me while I was pregnant. HOWEVER, there were a few comments here and there that could get under my skin, so I will be moving on from those who were trying to help, to those who were obviously NOT.
I can’t count how many times people would say things like “What are you going to do with twins!?!?”, “Better you than me!”, or “I’d die if I found out I was having twins!” Now, I’m assuming you’ve read the post about my reaction to finding out I was having twins, so part of me understood each of these comments. However, it did not take me very long at all (thanks to such comments) to become very protective of my twins. I mean, I didn’t look at other women who were pregnant with only one baby and say something like “aw, you’re only having one? I guess you feel shorted in comparison.” Please note that I didn’t actually feel this way, I just wanted to return harm for harm. I wish I could say that I didn’t contemplate making such remarks, but thankfully, God gently put his hand over my mouth at the right time so that my outrage hit long about the time I pulled out of the parking lot in my car. I didn’t so much mind the comments themselves, but the mama bear in me could read the tone of such statements and react accordingly. Most people meant no harm or meanness, so I would smile, tell them I was both shocked and thrilled with my situation, and move along to the next moment of my life. When the negative tones were obvious, I would reply in comments such as, “I guess I’ll keep them both!”, “I’m so glad God saw me fit to raise twins.”, or “I don’t know how we’ll do it exactly, but you’re welcome to come help!” (A smile accompanied all of these.) As I mentioned before, I usually didn’t feel terribly indignant until the situation was over. I’m the kind of person who thinks of her best comebacks about 30 minutes after the confrontation ends. (And then you can’t very well chase someone down in a store to say it without feeling even more ridiculous than you already do.)
Not all the advice was bad and not all comments outrageous. You wouldn’t believe how many people talked about their own desire to have had twins. It seems like for every bad comment, a good one came along as well. I know that people who barely knew me prayed fervently for my pregnancy and babies. I also got to speak to some dear old ladies who had their own sets of twins way back when the women of the house would have to do all the hard work alone when it came to the children. (I sincerely thank God that my husband plays an active part in taking care of our children.) People encouraged me by telling me how blessed I was, and it seemed like when I needed it most, my dear Christian work friends, Joy Mac and Sfields, would send me a note of encouragement even though they both had their own chaos ensuing at the time. I also had a whole team of support ranging from family to friends that did big things, like helping set up the nursery, to little things, like push the buggy. I don’t know what I would have done without the people in my life who love me, but I know my struggle would have been much more difficult. (Here is where I must once again give props to Sissy, Mommy, Godmother, A.Thack from way back, and NAC who all put together my nursery after Dean painted it. You’d think putting together a nursery for twins to share would be just as easy as putting a nursery together for just one baby…You’d be wrong. These ladies could lift heavy furniture and take apart and put back together a crib or two like nobody’s business.)
In the end, when you are expecting twins, you do exactly what you do when you are expecting just one baby. You tune out the horror stories and negativity, and you focus on the positive thoughts and statements. No matter what people had to say, I would tell Tinker and Tank every time we were alone how much I loved them and how special they were, even in utero. I hope one day they understand that while a twin pregnancy was a huge surprise to Dean and Rea, who had not planned to have children at all, they were truly a blessing from God. I can’t imagine my life without any of my three children now. We may be looked at like a freak show when we venture out, but it’s worth the stares, comments (good and bad), and struggles to have such wonderful chaos engulf my life so fully.
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